I have a confession to make.

It may seem like an inconsequential confession to some; but unbeknownst to you, this has been one of the prevalent reasons why I struggled as a College Student. Falling short of an A+ and only getting an A, would be and IS blamed on this.

The confession?

I have a phobia of asking questions. [Self-diagnosed of course!]

LOL jokes. kinda.

A few Sundays ago we had our Sunday School Council, and we talked about the importance of asking inspired questions. As a Sunday school teacher, I am encouraged to ask inspired questions during my lesson because it is “an invitation to learners to discover gospel truths on their own and to evaluate their understanding of and commitment to those truths.” When I’m in my teacher role, I absolutely have no problem asking questions. It’s when the roles are reversed and I become the student, that it’s hard for me to ask questions.

It has the ability to make me feel stupid! I know, I know, it sounds so shallow but it really does have the ability to make me feel incredibly stupid!

And so you’re probably thinking, “Yes! I feel the same way too!” or you may be thinking, “What a dumb confession!” Lol But let me tell you why.

Yes, I’ve heard of the adage, “There is no such thing as a stupid question.” Fine. But let me tell you that is not how I feel at the time. As such, I’ve realized that over the years, the older I got, the less and less I would ask questions. Maybe it stems from my cultural upbringing, where it’s considered taboo or rude for a child to question their elders.

Faka’apa’apa [to be respectful, humble and considerate] in the Tongan culture is an important quality practiced at a young age. Oftentimes, we’re taught that when you’re asking a question you’re questioning authority or the elders, parents and those who are supposed to ‘know’ more than you do. It is rarely perceived as a process of development of knowledge, clarification or understanding.

So, growing up, if you weren’t asking questions as a means to clarify or elaborate you were either seen as “fiepoto” or “kaimumu’a” [a know it all]. Although education is highly valued in the Tongan culture, the act in itself to get an education can either be regarded between ambition and humility. And, so the same can be said when asking questions. Its lack thereof has the ability to limit your skill to critical thinking, and independent expression – both of which goes against the cultural values of “faka’apa’apa” [to be respectful, humble and considerate].

It is often a constant debate in my head whenever I feel the need to ask a question. I would always go over it in my mind – rewording it – and making sure that it was a ‘good’ question before I ‘asked’ it. Lol

You know, the funny thing is, children seem to have this natural gift of asking questions so uninhibitedly. I mean, they don’t give a rats a** if the question sounds stupid or that it’ll make them look like an idiot. In fact, children seem to have this gift of asking questions in abundance. They always seem to have a million and one question about everything! “Why is the sky blue? Why are you wearing those ugly earrings? Why are the trees green? Why are you fat? Why did Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall?” And, don’t you hate it when you’re gathered in a public place or in a midst of A LOT of people and a child asks you a weird/awkward question? LOL And you’re thinking, “Arrrgghh, can you shut the hell up?! Doesn’t your Mom teach you any manners?” hahahaha *No this has never happened to me!* lol

When my family and I migrated to Fiji for Mom’s schooling, my sister (Mona) and I started primary school together. We didn’t know a lick of English at the time other than the basics such as, ‘Hello’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Bye’ and ‘Please’. I was at the time probably 6years old and Mona was 8years old and so we were put into two different classes – Mona in the 4^th grade and I was in the 2^nd grade.

During class, the teacher would teach the lesson and then proceed to ask the children questions. None of the kids in my class would put their hands up to answer the questions except for yours truly! Hahaha What made it worse – or funny – take your pick, was that my response was ALWAYS in Tongan! Hahaha He would ask the question in English and I would answer back in Tongan. Sometimes, – well every time – I wanted to ask a question, I wouldn’t hesitate to put my hand up and ask the question – even if it was in Tongan. Lol. I didn’t care whether I looked stupid in front of my classmates or the mere fact that the teacher himself didn’t seem to understand a single word I said! Hahaha

That continued for the first few months; and because I was making vast progress {or I was just incredibly smart} hahaha  – the school decided I should skip two grades and be in the same class as Mona.

Reflecting on that experience, I’ve realized that as I got older, I’ve lost that uninhibited ability to not only ask, but to expect answers. Even the Savior made it clear in the scriptures about how he felt about asking questions: “Ask and ye shall receive.” Sweet, short and simple and to the point!

Asking a question requires a degree of vulnerability and confidence. Vulnerability because you must humble yourself and become ‘vulnerable’ to admit that you need help; and confident because you expect there will be an answer.

I also have two amazing little humans who look up to me as an example, and so to create future critical thinkers both at home and at school, I need to start allowing them the space to freely express themselves without this ‘cultural’ buzzer going off every time they ask me a question.